How to Help Your Friend Who is Having a Panic or Anxiety Attack

I was in middle school the first time I witnessed a panic attack. It was just a regular bus ride home with my older sister until she was confronted by another girl. At first, it seemed like a minor spat, nothing out of the ordinary. But then my sister's breathing became erratic. We got off at our stop, but things only got worse. Her muscles started to lock, and her lips turned a frightening shade of purple. Her best friend had gotten off with us, so I sprinted to our apartment to get my mom. We rushed her to the hospital. She was ultimately fine, but the experience scared the crap out of me.

Panic and anxiety attacks can strike at any moment, leaving both the person experiencing them and those around them feeling helpless and confused. Whether it's in the middle of a market, during a quiet evening at home, or even in the office, knowing how to support a friend during these intense episodes is crucial. 

Understanding Panic vs. Anxiety Attacks

Let’s be clear, there is actually a difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack. Panic attacks hit like a lightning bolt – sudden, intense, and overwhelming. It’s an intense fear or discomfort that peaks within minutes, leaving you with heart palpitations, sweating, trembling, shortness of breath, chest pain, nausea, and dizziness [1]. Anxiety attacks, on the other hand, are like a slow burn. They build gradually, often in response to a stressor, and can linger much longer. This could include excessive worry, restlessness, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, irritability, muscle tension, and sleep disturbances [2]. 

Helping Someone During a Panic Attack

When your friend is having a panic attack, your support can make a significant difference. Here are steps to take:

Immediate Actions

1. Stay Calm: Your calm presence can help reassure your friend.
2. Stay with Them: Don’t leave them alone; your presence can be comforting.
3. Use Grounding Techniques: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, which involves identifying five things they can see, four they can touch, three they can hear, two they can smell, and one they can taste.
4. Reassure Them: Remind them that the attack will pass and they are not in danger.
5. Avoid Judgement: Do not minimize their feelings or try to talk them out of it.

Ask These Three Questions

1. Have you been sleeping?
2. Have you eaten?
3. Have you had enough water today? 

Often, simple things like lack of sleep, hunger, and dehydration can make a panic or anxiety attack even worse. Checking if your friend is well-rested, has eaten, and is hydrated can play a big role in calming the situation. It's amazing how much these basics can affect how we feel.

What to Avoid

1. Minimizing Their Experience: Avoid saying things like “It’s all in your head.”
2. Being Critical or Judgmental: Don’t blame them for their feelings.
3. Encouraging Avoidance: Don’t help them avoid situations that trigger panic attacks, as this can reinforce their fears.

Panic attacks can often mimic the classic symptoms of a heart attack. If none of the support you are providing is improving the situation or the symptoms, seek emergency medical treatment [3]. 

Personal Story: Navigating a Panic Attack

I recently moved to a new apartment, and the stress of the transition was already high. But my old landlord didn’t make it any easier. He started getting intrusive, demanding I remove my elderly cat during viewings, despite the fact I had paid through the end of the month and was leaving two weeks early. The final straw was when he brought in my creepy neighbor who had made inappropriate comments to me in the past, someone who genuinely made me uncomfortable.

I found out and immediately called my partner, teetering on the edge of a panic attack. It wasn't until I practically shouted, "I'm going to have a panic attack!" that my partner sprang into action. The panic wasn’t just about the creepy neighbor; it was the perceived threat, a cognitive distortion rooted in past trauma. I’d had a stalker incident before, so my body was reacting to that old terror rather than the current situation. 

Some might see it as an overreaction, but panic and anxiety attacks are often triggered by perceived fears, distorted by previous experiences and traumas. Having someone who can ground you back to reality is incredibly important.

Helping Over the Long Term

Supporting someone with panic attacks goes beyond the immediate moments. Here’s how you can help over the long term [4]:

Developing an Action Plan

1. Create a Support System: Encourage them to talk to friends, family, or join support groups.
2. Professional Help: Suggest seeing a therapist. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and exposure therapy are effective treatments.
3. Nonverbal Communication: Use gestures, write notes, or use apps to communicate if they struggle to speak during an attack.

Building a Support Network

1. Family and Friends: Educate them about panic and anxiety attacks.
2. Support Groups: Joining groups can provide shared experiences and coping strategies.
3. Communicating When Nonverbal: If they can’t speak, texting or using mental health support apps can be useful alternatives.

Preventative Measures and Recovery

1. Identify Triggers: Understand what specific stimuli trigger their responses.
2. Develop Coping Strategies: Use techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, and mindfulness.
3. Create Safe Environments: Avoid known triggers and create spaces that feel safe and comforting.
4. Seek Professional Help: Work with therapists to develop personalized strategies and coping mechanisms.

How to Help Someone Having a Panic Attack

Helping a friend through a panic or anxiety attack takes patience, understanding, and the right approach. Stay calm, use grounding techniques, and offer ongoing support. This can make a huge difference in how they manage and recover from these episodes. It's all about creating a safe, supportive environment where they feel understood and cared for. Your presence and empathy can help them find their way back to calm.

Resources

[1] WebMD. (n.d.). Symptoms of panic & anxiety attacks. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/anxiety-attack-symptoms 

[2] Healthline Media. (n.d.-a). 11 ways to stop a panic attack. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-a-panic-attack 

[3] WebMD. (n.d.-a). Hospitalization for panic attacks: When is it necessary?. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/hospital-for-panic-attack 

[4] U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (n.d.). Panic disorder: When fear overwhelms. National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/panic-disorder-when-fear-overwhelms