Let’s be honest – we've all been there. Scrolling through social media, reading articles, or chatting with friends about the latest dating horror stories. When it comes to dating advice, the internet is packed yet another red flag to watch out for.
Don't get me wrong, being aware of potential issues is important. But sometimes, all this focus on the negative can leave us feeling like we're navigating a minefield instead of exploring the exciting world of romance.
So, let’s talk about what to look for, instead of what to avoid – aka green flags in relationships. You know, those little (or big) signs that make you think, "Hey, this might actually be something good!"
Why Look for Green Flags?
Our brains are wired to spot problems—helpful when you're avoiding actual danger, but not so great when you’re getting to know someone new. By looking for green flags, we’re training ourselves to notice the good stuff, to stay open, and to actually feel hopeful. Not to mention, recognizing green flags means you’re more likely to appreciate and nurture the positive aspects of your relationship.
And green flags are not just for your romantic relationships, they can also be in regards to your platonic relationships. Friendships are built on the same foundation as a romantic relationship, it’s why we so often question whether friendships could be something more!
Green Flags to Watch For
Meme by Cheezburger (2024)
1. They make you feel safe and comfortable
Remember that feeling when you were a kid, snuggled up in your favorite blanket? That's the kind of emotional safety we're talking about here. When you're with a person, you feel like you can truly be yourself – quirks, bad jokes, and all.
2. They respect your boundaries
Healthy boundaries are important for great relationships. A partner who respects your limits – whether it's about physical intimacy, alone time, or how often you text – is showing you that they value your comfort and autonomy.
3. They're genuinely interested in your life
We've all been on those dates where the other person seems more interested in their phone than in you. A green flag is when your partner asks thoughtful questions about your day, your passions, and your dreams – and actually listens to your answers. When they’re actively listening, instead of waiting for their first opportunity to respond.
4. They own up to their mistakes
Nobody's perfect, and someone who can admit when they've messed up is worth their weight in gold. It shows emotional maturity and a willingness to grow together. Lack of accountability can often result in a build up of animosity, so finding people who can hold themselves accountable, not just you, is a huge green flag!
5. They celebrate your successes
The right people aren’t threatened by your wins. They’re cheering you on, celebrating your achievements, and genuinely happy for your success – whether it’s a promotion or finally nailing that yoga pose you’ve been working on. They’re in your corner, and it feels amazing.
6. They make an effort with the people you care about
Meeting friends and family can be nerve-wracking, but a green flag partner will make a genuine effort to connect with the important people in your life. They understand that these relationships matter to you, so they matter to them too.
7. They communicate openly and honestly
Clear, honest communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. A person who can openly express their thoughts, feelings, and needs in a respectful way – and encourages you to do the same – is waving a giant green flag. This doesn’t mean there’s never conflict, but it does mean you can handle it together.
8. They support your independence
While spending time together is great, people in healthy relationships also encourage you to keep pursuing your own interests, friendships, and goals. They respect your individuality and what makes you who you are, and wouldn’t change it for the world.
9. They make you laugh
Never underestimate the power of sharing a laugh. A partner who can make you laugh—whether it’s a chuckle, giggle, or full-on belly laugh—adds joy and lightness to your life. Plus, being able to laugh together, especially during tough times, can be a real relationship superpower.
10. They're consistent
Actions speak louder than words! When someone’s actions consistently match their words, it shows they’re dependable. No one’s perfect, but if they’re consistent in how they treat you, it’s a clear green flag that they’re in it for the long haul.
Trusting Your Gut
Green flags are great, but they aren’t a one-size-fits-all solution. Every relationship is unique. What feels right for one person might not work for another. That's why it's crucial to tune into your own feelings and instincts.
Ask, “How do I feel when I’m with this person? Do I like who I am when we’re together? Do I feel safe, valued, and supported?” Remember, you're the expert on your own happiness. If something feels off, even if you can't quite put your finger on why, it's okay to take a step back and reassess.
Nurturing the Green Flags
Spotting green flags is just the beginning. Once you've found a good thing, it takes effort from both partners to keep it going. Here are a few tips for nurturing those positive aspects of your relationship:
- Express gratitude: Let your partner know when you appreciate something they've done. A simple “thank you” can go a long way.
- Keep communicating: Don’t just rely on the early days of honest conversation. Continue to share your thoughts, feelings, and needs as your relationship evolves.
- Maintain individual growth: Keep pursuing your own goals and encourage your partner to do the same.
- Be intentional about quality time: Make an effort to create meaningful moments together. Whether it’s a weekend getaway or just a cozy night in, make time for each other.
- Face challenges as a team: When life throws curveballs, approach them with a "us against the problem" mindset.
My Own Green Flag Experience
As an introvert, I don’t usually keep a big circle of friends. I’m selective—maybe even hyper-aware—often noticing red flags that make me distance myself or cut ties. But recently, I met my long-distance bestie, and green flags were flying from the start. They were kind, intentional, and actually listened rather than just waiting to respond. They didn’t try to fix me or offer unsolicited advice; instead, they were present in a way that made me feel genuinely safe enough to open up.
Moments like that are a reminder that all relationships, romantic or platonic, aren’t about perfection; they’re about those small, meaningful gestures that make you feel safe, seen, and valued.
Now, go forth and find (or appreciate) those green flags!